My stress level has been pretty high
over the past few weeks...with dealing with my plateaued progress
with my ankles, and some upcoming family events. But this past
weekend I noticed my anxiety getting markedly worse than it's been.
This upcoming weekend we are going out of town for my
brother-in-law's wedding and I'm really dreading the whole trip. Don't get me wrong, I love my BIL, and my future SIL, and I'm happy
to attend their wedding, it's all the other stuff that's a problem
for me and my medical state these days.
The only long trip I've made in the
past year was when I went to visit my parents in Delaware back in
November. Visiting them is a 3 hour car trip each way, and although
it took a lot out of me, there was nothing expected of me. We didn't
go anywhere...I could wear my sneakers...I could put my feet up when
needed...and I knew that if I didn't feel well, I could always go and
lay down and rest. Bottom line...I didn't have to pretend to be
happy and well if I really wasn't.Most people don't realize how much pretending, or putting on a happy face, goes on when you are a chronic pain sufferer. Even the simple question of, “How are you?” is a difficult one to answer. Are they just making conversation? “Okay, and how are you?” Do they want the short version of the truth? “I've had better days, but things could always be worse.” Do they want the whole truth? “I want to go home and load up on pain meds until I fall asleep and don't have to deal with the pain any longer.” By the way...I usually go with the short version answer so I don't have to freak people out and make them feel uncomfortable. Aren't I nice? :)
This weekend allows me a limited amount
of options. Not only is it a longer car ride, but I can't wear my
sneakers, I can't put my feet up, I have to go about things on my own
(without my husband's help since he's in the wedding party), and I
can't just leave and lay down if the pain gets too much. Not only
will I be bringing all my pain meds along with me for this trip, but
my Xanax for the stress of it too. It's amazing how much more
anxiety I get when I feel like I'm backed in a corner and have no
plan B.
Say prayers for me my friends! I have
a feeling the anxiety is only going to get worse. Hopefully the pain
will be less than the anxiety, although I have a feeling it probably won't :(
